Baby To Be

You live in the whispers of my heart, in my quiet imagination.
I see you walk the halls of my mind like an angel in the mist.
Sometimes your fingertips brush mine for just minor moments in time.
When you leave my dreams, I wish you'd linger.
Let me hold you, let me know you.
Sleepy cry, tiny lullaby, silky crown, skin like down.
Most beautiful creation that is yet to be.
I pray for you, and your life to be.
Stay safe in danger, and savor the flavors of joy.
Be strong in failures, and tenacious of faith.
Laugh from your belly, and cleansing cry.
I wait to meet you, my baby, I sigh.

Stop Questioning

I'm thinking of my biggest dreams, my most audacious hopes, and my lofty goals.

I was taught to dream big, to reach for the stars, to go after the things I want the most. I was taught these ideals, but not the fundamentals of how to get there. Or was I?

When do I fess up to the fact that I talk myself out of just being me?

When do I realize that the easiest step is the first step? And why is that step the most terrifying?

I stomp my feet, go around and around in circles, feeling helpless to take that first step.

What will it take to motivate me? Being uncomfortable where I am? Consuming love? Fear? Will those last?

That's my assignment: I will find my why. I'm learning that it is all wrapped up in just being me and trusting in God's plan.

"Stop thinking about how you can figure it out and know that I have already planned it out. Stop questioning how you'll walk it out and just know that I have already prepared and pre-planned every step that you must walk out. Stop questioning the authority that I have put within you and begin operating in the authority that I have set inside you, and call the things that are not as though they were, and speak forth with the Spirit of faith, and see the opportunities opened right before thee. When it is necessary, when it is absolutely time, it shall come to pass," Saith the Lord. "So don't question what the future will look like, just know that I have pre-planned, and I have prepared it. I have already pre-planned it for you to walk it out in authority, in revelation, in abundance in every arena of life. I have called you, I have anointed you, and I will work through you to fulfill My destiny in this Earth. Others will come along side, others will go with, if you stop questioning how you can do it and put all your faith and trust in Me, and watch me do it because I have already done it for each one of you!" Prayer @ LWCC 8-29-12

Storm

I don't understand why I'm going through what I am facing right now.
It is unjust. It is not convenient. It is certainly not easy. I have been treated unfairly.
People that I tried to please have abandoned me. I was not given a choice in this.
It is a storm, a battle, a lonely place.

Sound familiar?

I'm not going to pretend that I have this all figured out. I don't. I'm crying as I type this and fighting the icy hands of fear out of my mind. I'm angry, I'm so angry. I'm afraid. This storm is made of anger and fear, and I'm running headlong into it.

Have you ever run in the rain? Man, at first it's not fun, and my instinct is to turn for home and head for cover. But if I keep on running, it is amazing. The cool breeze, the soaking, the cleansing. Once I am soaked, I can't get any more soaked. I adapt, and take joy in the rain, tremble at the lightning, marvel at the thunder. The fury becomes my inspiration. The familiar looks different, it's easy to become lost, but wondrous and almost magical. I don't want an umbrella at this point, it would just hold me back. Let me embrace the storm, let it change me, let me feel the raw power, and come out a changed person.

ReBirthplace

When the path you take me isn't stone, when it's not laid out for me to walk alone.

I fret, fuss, and then complain. I try my own way all in vain.

Yearn to be delivered, then when free, I say, "I'm not where I want to be."

You didn't say it was a piece of cake. A leap of faith I have to take. 

You give me the grace to run in place, and the courage to make mistakes.

Baby birds fall when learning to fly, how much more precious am I?

Your eyes are on me, Your love surrounds me, I'm on Your mind.

There are plans for me beyond what I can see.

A future to unfold, wonders to behold.

Fill me up, but my little cup can't contain Your Majesty.

Increase my capacity, make me who I'm meant to be.

I get it now, You're all I need. 

I thought once it was up to me to choose my destiny.

That is an empty vain pursuit, I will never match your magnitude.

Take my pen, my voice is Yours, let echo on paper Your voice Lord.

Blind to self, change my sight, that I see them through Your eyes.

Bless my hands to do what's right, and my feet to stand and fight.

Renew my mind, and cleanse my heart. Refine my life, light the spark.

Take the pain, what's left of me, a willing heart is all you need.

No longer who I was - but always who You meant me to be.

Here is the birthplace of my passionate vitality.

Loss and Home

Heavenly Father,

You cling to me when I let go. You look tenderly at me with those eyes that see all my years. Your love burns away what I don't need. You teach me how to breathe again. You are always and will always be there for me.

You tell me, "Do not fear. Moments will make you feel afraid, but let love guide you back to solid ground. Do not grieve for too long at tragedies. If you still have breath, there is joy left for you. Do not be pained by selfish cares. Give something away and you will realize a new hope."

This is my hope: That I always come home. That I give God a real chance to hold my heart. I will stop clinging to people, my own strengths, ideas, and crutches. I will ask for a new glimpse of what life should be. People will inevitably let me down, strength with wane with time, and my ideas of a perfect life will burn away in the light of truth one day.

Bottom line: every profession and personality has its limits, its high points, and its downfalls. The most put together looking, could be the most lonely. The most beautiful might feel ugly at heart. The most vocal might fail to listen. The smartest can lack wisdom. Anyone can be lost and undone. It doesn't take much to loose focus in this life and end up somewhere completely unknown.

Be strong, look to Him, and carry on.

Jeremiah 29:11-14

New Living Translation (NLT)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. 14 I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”

Hebrews 12:1

New Living Translation (NLT)

12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

Hold His Hand

I remember sitting in school pretending to hold Jesus' hand when I was really little. When I was 6 years old, I got blisters from the monkey bars. I remember standing in line at the drinking fountain. It stung so bad, and I prayed that He would take the pain away, and He did. I'll never forget the soothing calm I felt at that moment.


Blisters are caused by fiction, something we are maybe trying so hard to grasp and hang onto. Or maybe something unnatural is clinging to us. It's uncomfortable, it's causing damage. The body's reaction is to cushion the point with fluid, and for a time that holds the pain at bay. But, eventually it wears down. On our own we are fragile. The skin will break after repeated abuse, and the pain of exposed and raw flesh is blinding. 


We don't stay broken. God made our bodies to heal, the broken places grow stronger, the pain fades, and callouses form. It is okay to become calloused to some things. Life is hard, and bad things happen. We are all called to help others carry their burdens. Sometimes we need an extra layer of skin to protect our hearts. Build those healthy spots. Guard your heart with wisdom. Don't be afraid to remove the things that cause unhealthy friction on your heart. Don't cling to the things/people that destroy you. Reach out for Jesus, let Him hold your hand and take the hurt. Let Him lead you to where you were meant to be all along, and I promise, there is nothing like that soothing calm.


Do not live in fear of your past, or in the fear or your future. Your worth is not determined by what you have done or what you might do. Figuring it all out on your own is not the answer. He's already figured it out, it's under control. Let it go.


The Word
Psalm 91:14-16 (The Message)
"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says GOD,  "I'll get you out of any trouble. I'll give you the best of care if you'll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times; I'll rescue you, then throw you a party. I'll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!" 


(The Amplified)
Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore will I deliver him; I will set him on high, because he knows and understands My name [has a personal knowledge of My mercy, love, and kindness--trusts and relies on Me, knowing I will never forsake him, no, never]. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him My salvation.


Personal
Life is a strange balancing act. Between guarding my heart and learning to let go and trust, between planning for the future and lavishing in the present moment. I'm amazed at the ways the person I am morphs, grows, and changes. My identity is the same. Grounded in Christ, I remain. Without that love, I know I wouldn't be able to go on. I am so thankful for His love and grace in my life, His touch upon my heart, and His hands that keep me coming back to Him. I'm forever overwhelmed by that kind for forgiveness and love: life changing, soul searching, and habit breaking love.

Love > Death

A friend I know died this week.

My heart hurts for his family.

I can't stop thinking about life/death/those I'd leave behind/those that might leave me behind.

Not in a morbid sort of way, but in a thoughtful way.

Whys and what ifs have filled me this week.

Life is fragile.

Love is stronger than death. (Song of Solomon 8:6)

Image: Savatra

Image: Famie Fairnie