ReBirthplace

When the path you take me isn't stone, when it's not laid out for me to walk alone.

I fret, fuss, and then complain. I try my own way all in vain.

Yearn to be delivered, then when free, I say, "I'm not where I want to be."

You didn't say it was a piece of cake. A leap of faith I have to take. 

You give me the grace to run in place, and the courage to make mistakes.

Baby birds fall when learning to fly, how much more precious am I?

Your eyes are on me, Your love surrounds me, I'm on Your mind.

There are plans for me beyond what I can see.

A future to unfold, wonders to behold.

Fill me up, but my little cup can't contain Your Majesty.

Increase my capacity, make me who I'm meant to be.

I get it now, You're all I need. 

I thought once it was up to me to choose my destiny.

That is an empty vain pursuit, I will never match your magnitude.

Take my pen, my voice is Yours, let echo on paper Your voice Lord.

Blind to self, change my sight, that I see them through Your eyes.

Bless my hands to do what's right, and my feet to stand and fight.

Renew my mind, and cleanse my heart. Refine my life, light the spark.

Take the pain, what's left of me, a willing heart is all you need.

No longer who I was - but always who You meant me to be.

Here is the birthplace of my passionate vitality.

Loss and Home

Heavenly Father,

You cling to me when I let go. You look tenderly at me with those eyes that see all my years. Your love burns away what I don't need. You teach me how to breathe again. You are always and will always be there for me.

You tell me, "Do not fear. Moments will make you feel afraid, but let love guide you back to solid ground. Do not grieve for too long at tragedies. If you still have breath, there is joy left for you. Do not be pained by selfish cares. Give something away and you will realize a new hope."

This is my hope: That I always come home. That I give God a real chance to hold my heart. I will stop clinging to people, my own strengths, ideas, and crutches. I will ask for a new glimpse of what life should be. People will inevitably let me down, strength with wane with time, and my ideas of a perfect life will burn away in the light of truth one day.

Bottom line: every profession and personality has its limits, its high points, and its downfalls. The most put together looking, could be the most lonely. The most beautiful might feel ugly at heart. The most vocal might fail to listen. The smartest can lack wisdom. Anyone can be lost and undone. It doesn't take much to loose focus in this life and end up somewhere completely unknown.

Be strong, look to Him, and carry on.

Jeremiah 29:11-14

New Living Translation (NLT)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. 14 I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”

Hebrews 12:1

New Living Translation (NLT)

12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

Hold His Hand

I remember sitting in school pretending to hold Jesus' hand when I was really little. When I was 6 years old, I got blisters from the monkey bars. I remember standing in line at the drinking fountain. It stung so bad, and I prayed that He would take the pain away, and He did. I'll never forget the soothing calm I felt at that moment.


Blisters are caused by fiction, something we are maybe trying so hard to grasp and hang onto. Or maybe something unnatural is clinging to us. It's uncomfortable, it's causing damage. The body's reaction is to cushion the point with fluid, and for a time that holds the pain at bay. But, eventually it wears down. On our own we are fragile. The skin will break after repeated abuse, and the pain of exposed and raw flesh is blinding. 


We don't stay broken. God made our bodies to heal, the broken places grow stronger, the pain fades, and callouses form. It is okay to become calloused to some things. Life is hard, and bad things happen. We are all called to help others carry their burdens. Sometimes we need an extra layer of skin to protect our hearts. Build those healthy spots. Guard your heart with wisdom. Don't be afraid to remove the things that cause unhealthy friction on your heart. Don't cling to the things/people that destroy you. Reach out for Jesus, let Him hold your hand and take the hurt. Let Him lead you to where you were meant to be all along, and I promise, there is nothing like that soothing calm.


Do not live in fear of your past, or in the fear or your future. Your worth is not determined by what you have done or what you might do. Figuring it all out on your own is not the answer. He's already figured it out, it's under control. Let it go.


The Word
Psalm 91:14-16 (The Message)
"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says GOD,  "I'll get you out of any trouble. I'll give you the best of care if you'll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times; I'll rescue you, then throw you a party. I'll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!" 


(The Amplified)
Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore will I deliver him; I will set him on high, because he knows and understands My name [has a personal knowledge of My mercy, love, and kindness--trusts and relies on Me, knowing I will never forsake him, no, never]. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him My salvation.


Personal
Life is a strange balancing act. Between guarding my heart and learning to let go and trust, between planning for the future and lavishing in the present moment. I'm amazed at the ways the person I am morphs, grows, and changes. My identity is the same. Grounded in Christ, I remain. Without that love, I know I wouldn't be able to go on. I am so thankful for His love and grace in my life, His touch upon my heart, and His hands that keep me coming back to Him. I'm forever overwhelmed by that kind for forgiveness and love: life changing, soul searching, and habit breaking love.

Love > Death

A friend I know died this week.

My heart hurts for his family.

I can't stop thinking about life/death/those I'd leave behind/those that might leave me behind.

Not in a morbid sort of way, but in a thoughtful way.

Whys and what ifs have filled me this week.

Life is fragile.

Love is stronger than death. (Song of Solomon 8:6)

Image: Savatra

Image: Famie Fairnie

Joy and Strength

Nehemiah 8:10
“Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."

THE DEFINITIONS

Grieved/Grief
“deep mental suffering often endured alone and in silence but revealed by one's aspect (or appearance). Also, keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret."

Joy
1. a deep feeling or condition of happiness or contentment
2. something causing such a feeling; a source of happiness
3. an outward show of pleasure or delight; rejoicing
4. success; satisfaction.

Strength
Place or means of safety, protection, refuge, stronghold.
Strength is the inherent capacity to manifest energy, to endure, and to resist.
A place of safety, fastness, harbour, stronghold, refuge, human protection.

MY THOUGHTS

The big thing that got me with this one was that grief is mental distress/suffering endured alone and in silence. Often we take these big heavy burdens onto ourselves, internalize them and they make us sick from the inside out. We think that just because we don't verbalize our pain that others aren't affected, but it is written in our body language and our mannerisms. It struck me how this one word can pretty much sum up all of life's badness: affliction, loss, sorrow, and even regret. Most of these things we can't even control or stop from coming at us. They just do. What we can control, instead, is our response to them. Our first instinct is to grieve. The emotion comes naturally, but we don't want to get stuck there.

Joy becomes our grief weapon and equips us with strength. I love this definition of strength: "The inherent capacity to manifest energy, to endure, and to resist. A means of safety, protection, refuge..." Holding onto joy, that's what gives us strength. The Lord gives us this burst of life and endurance in the midst of our circumstances. It's that extra pep to our step when we feel like fainting. It's the encouraging word to our neighbor when our own lives are in ruin. It's that ability to dig deep in order to bless someone else, even when we ourselves should be at the point of exhaustion. He picks us up, energizes us, and we have the incredible capacity to wear a smile even when all seems lost.

Joy is found by giving to others, and pouring into their hurting souls. It is striving with someone through the grit and the grime of the messes of life. It is picking up pieces of a broken heart and holding them until that person is strong enough to put them back together. It's going that extra mile and giving that extra smile. It's better that way.

“Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself”

-Mahatma Gandhi 

“Joy can be real only if people look upon their life as a service, and have a definite object in life outside themselves and their personal happiness” 

-Tolstoy

Legacy

This weekend, my family and I went to the MN History Center to see the play "1968 - The Year that Rocked the World" featuring our Uncle Jerry Miron. It was a special time of making memories, and honoring the heros in our life.

In Uncle Jerry's words, "The real heroes are the people that don't want to be heroes, they just get put in a situation and react." Those are the people we need around us, the silent heroes. The people who react from the bottom of their heart in every day situations. The people who bring out the best in those around them, who care enough to ask your name and give you a hug. They are the people who in one moment are a perfect stranger, and the next they bring you into their world of love and make you feel like a million bucks.

They are people like you and me, who don't feel like they have much to offer the world, but are willing to make an effort. They put themselves out there, in the hope that their story can help someone else. They are the people who rise above heartaches, life's trials, hopelessness, and choose to beleive in a bigger picture. They cling to the hope that " [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose." Romans 8:28 

I'm so blessed and honored to have married into such a loving and God-fearing family. I know we all aren't perfect, but in striving to live our lives for God's glory, and touch those around us, we are creating a beautiful legacy.

Time and Meltdowns

I had a meltdown yesterday. My student yelled and thew a pencil at me, told me I was weird, and that I need to stop saying things that make him mad. Oh... and that I can't smile. Ha! It was a really long bad day, and I cried the whole drive home. That was soon followed by a panic attack that I don't have enough time in the day to work both jobs, eat, love on the hubs, be with family, be a friend, or do things that I enjoy.

I realize I need to work on time management. I'm learning to keep weeding out the things that only bring me down, and add some space the things that make me feel alive. I need a fresh dose of life in my living!

((Update)) As I was writing this, I got an update from one of my favorite people. This must be a theme today. Take a listen to Terri's take on Time Management. I will be using her Time Maps to get a grip on things.

So how do we cope when we feel overwhelmed, out of control, and burnt out? This is what I do, and you should try too!

1. Breathe a prayer. Pause and know that God cares about you and the situation, and ask for His guidence.

2. Realize that all situations are temporary and will change eventually.

3. Do something you can control. (work out, write your feelings, change your attitude, ect) 

4. Schedule some quiet time, even if it's just a few minutes to chill out, get your head back on straight. Listen to some music, hold your loved one, kitty, dog... whatever will calm you down.

Word of Encouragement

Psalm 119:105 "Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."

What this means to me: The Bible sheds light on our current circumstances, it gives us something to work with in the here and now. Also, it gives us light into the rest of our lives, the big picture, and the course that we should follow.



Confession - I'm drinking my coffee again. It makes me a better human being. All in moderation. 12 hour work days are not possible with a boost. Forgive me.